It was the first week of October when I originally wrote this post while lying in bed reflecting to myself. While I was writing around 500 people were being gunned down over 50 would lose their lives in Las Vegas. Such sadness in this world , that I have become numb. So I felt like my post did not matter anymore. I should be writing something deeper: I thought. I began to shut down. Work had been horrible. Nothing seemed to be going right, what changed? Well the tone in the universe, such melancholy in the air. However, I realized that I have to find my own joy and hold on to it, and not absorb so much sadness.
With just two more months left in the year I always begin to reflect around this time . I decided not to start obsessing about what had not been accomplished , but what had . I can’t be hung up on losing weight, or not making enough money. Some things are trivial in the grand scheme.
If I let myself just live, in the moment, I would be changing my life. I have to stop betraying myself, and learn to be accepting of the goals that I have completed.
As I laid in bed, I thought of my accomplishments thus far in the year. Well , I started this blog, even joined a writers group. I have returned to Graduate school to complete teaching certification. I have to honor myself in these moments, and find joy in the things that I like. Even as I entered this into Evernote at 1:50 am I was happy, as I am now. I am pleased, sharing with others something close to me , a-part that I have kept hidden.
I have had to find ways to do what I want, regardless of how others felt. As a single mother it’s easy to lose yourself when being the primary parent and its not easy. I had these goals that I had written, and I completed them while doing everything on my own. I know that I have many more to complete before this year is out.
So as I enter the Fall season I will not fall apart and get hung up on the end of year looming. Instead I receive it. I challenge you the reader to please celebrate what you have accomplished . Do not lose yourself in the sadness of the world. Take Time for self. Appreciate what is good. Honor yourself, because we are no good to ourselves or anyone without that.
I bid farewell to the sun leaving us early and the color of rust filling the streets as the trees shed . I welcome the Fall , and look forward to the smell of apples, pumpkin spice, and cozy clothing I do not know what is to come but I look forward to the change of season , and of time.